Coach Sam welcomes Coach Kevin to the studio this week where they discuss the major pains inside the lives of women as well as the top issues women face and are not sharing with their men.
Parable #1: Picking Up the Pieces
- The #1 thing our wives are concerned about is saying something that will cause us to go into a spiral, leaving them to pick up the pieces.
- Most of the time when women lie to us, they are literally trying to protect us from our own breakdowns. Women are more concerned about preserving our feelings than in telling us the truth.
What is your experience with this?
Parable #2: Mum’s the Word
- A lack of feedback will only increase the insecurity of men. If your wife never praises you on your sexual performance and sexuality, that silence is as bad as criticizing.
- Coach Kevin loves giving massages, but his wife doesn’t get them very often because she stays silent. He likes feedback in knowing that she’s enjoying it; she loves it, but she’s silent about how much she loves it.
What can you do to open up a conversation about the role of feedback inside your relationship?
Parable #3: It’s This, Not That
- Men get bitched at by their wives, but it’s not about the things they REALLY want to talk about. It might be the thing they’re losing their shit about, but there’s actually something underneath that has been building for a period of time.
- Ninety-eight percent of the time it has to do with communication, and the ultimate form of communication is sex. It also has to do with “I want to be seen, I want to be heard.” But they never really teach you how, so you have to guess, and if you guess wrong then they think you don’t love them.
What would be possible for your relationship if you actually had a conversation about what your wife is upset about rather than making assumptions?
Parable #4: Sex Pyramid
- Sex is at the top of the pyramid but you won’t get that full, complete experience of the without the deep communication and connection.
- Men penetrate and go out; women accept and take in. In order for her to take you in, there’s got to be massive trust.
What do you do to increase the trust your wife has for you?
Parable #5: Fantasy vs Reality
- Because porn is a fantasy acted out by real people, it’s very difficult, even with the adult mind, to remember that this IS fantasy. These are paid actors, paid to produce a result.
- As parents, it’s your responsibility to begin talking to your children about the biology of sex as well as about the psychology of sex. It is absolutely crucial that you start painting the picture of the Sex Pyramid beginning at a very young age and make them aware.
How has porn played a part in how you view sex?
Parables from the Pit:
“Part of the training at Warrior is to get you comfortable in having the uncomfortable conversations across all areas of your life.”
“She feels it’s her job is to protect you, and the easiest way to protect you is to pretend that everything is great, even though it’s not.”